Final Fantasy Mayhem
by PimpKuja
Summary: What would happen if Sephiroth dragged everyone out of their games and sent them to spira? Well, Yuna would go crazy, that's what. This story is a mess. Just read it and see.
1. Chapter 1

_Final Fantasy Mayhem_

_Chapter I: The Summoning_

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any game in the Final Fantasy series, or Radiata Stories, because if I did, then I would. They belong solely to Square Enix

Yuna looked down from the deck of the airship. The ruins and people seemed so small from up so high. She was having personal problems, and couldn't talk to anyone in particular. Rikku was too busy calling her ex-boo Gippal 24/7 and Lulu was on her period like ur-day now, so Yuna decided to go to someone else with her problem. She sat up, grabbing her Nirvana from her side, and getting into summoning position. Yuna began to twirl her staff, slowly, then harder as she concentrated on summoning two aeons at once. Everything became colder for a minute, and Yuna began to see flowers budding around her feet. She opened her arm and looked towards the sky to see three different colored lights descending, as giant pillars of ice fell in front of her.

Shiva now stood in front of her, throwing her cape off and handing it to Yuna.

"Why do you always give this to me? It's not like I can wear it. Just look at what I'm already wearing! Don't you think I clash enough, Shiva? God! You're soooooo hurtful," Yuna sobbed as she scolded the blue entity in front of her.

"It's not her fault. It's just part of the summoning sequence. Damn Yuna, why you always gotta be such a little bitch?" The preying mantis woman behind her said as she got closer to Shiva and her summoner.

"You guys always pick on me! I'm the female lead! I deserve some respect, Sandy!" Yuna told her aggressor.

Yuna and the girls sat down in a circle and put their hands in a circle.

"Yuna!"

"Shiva!"

"Sandy!"

"Mindy!"

"Cindy!"

The girls yelled out their names, the last of them being said in a somewhat manly and gruff voice followed by an inaudible comment about a finger in the pudding.

In unison, the girls raised their hands up and exclaimed, "Wonder Twin powers activate!"

Mindy whispered to her eldest sister, "Why do we always do this? There are five of us, and it's not like we can change into anything."

Sandy gave Mindy a silent sigh. "Just humor her. She may be a whiny dumbass, but she is the female lead this time around."

"Can't we just go back to Final Fantasy IV? X sucks! I mean, we moved like one whole letter down the alphabet _and _got out 'I' taken away. I wanna talk to the director!"

Mindy was so upset, she walked offset and flew up to the director, buzzing horrible swears in over 17 different languages, courtesy of the fine translators at Square Enix.

The other four girls watched in shock as Mindy was carried off by security into her dressing room. All they could hear was a loud scream, and then a fading buzzing sound. Moments later, Seymour came out of the dressing room in a very revealing bee costume, which looked like it wouldn't even fit Mindy. He walked onto the set and took a seat next between Shiva and Cindy. The girls looked at him with ridiculous faces on, to which Seymour replied, "Take off those ridiculous masks."

The girls took off their masks and asked him what was going on.

"Mindy's taking a… vacation… yeah, that's it, vacation. I'm gonna be filling in until she gets back."

"But I thought we had a big boss battle scheduled during scene 46?" Yuna asked him

"No, they replaced it with the bloopers from when Anima turned upside down during her overdrive."

The girls all began to giggle, seeming to agree that the memory was quite funny. They all regained their professionalism quickly, and the director yelled action.

"Where were we…? Oh yeah! Shape of… daughter of Braska!" Yuna shouted.

Shiva hit her head with her palm and pulled Yuna back down before she embarrassed herself further.

"Why'd you summon us Yuna?" Seymour asked in a childlike and girly voice.

Yuna fought the urge to laugh and told them about her problem.

Cindy's mouth opened wide and she stood up to exclaim, "Oh no guurll friennnd," emphasizing the 'd' in friend.

The aeons began murmuring, agreeing that someone was goin down.

They began drawing up plans on how to exact revenge on Yuna's problem, when Shiva said, "Wait! I sense a disturbance in the force."

Just then, a large vortex looking type thing appeared in the sky.

Seymour let out a very girly scream, followed by him yelling, "Oh my god! It's a big ass vortex looking type thingy in the sky!"

"Get a hold of yourself Mindy!" Sandy yelled in Seymour's ear as she slapped him upside the head and dropped him to the floor while repeatedly stepping on his back with her heels. "We can't afford to lose focus now! We will survive! I forgot the rest of the words, but I still know we will survive!"

Seymour's eyes were now all whirly like in those anime where people's eyes get all swirly. The conscious girls looked up at the vortex thingy and began to hear music coming out of it.

"Can you hear that?" Cindy turned to ask Shiva. Shiva nodded her head and turned to Sandy.

"It's sounds like astigmatism" Yuna said with a very serious face.

Sandy looked like she was about to snap again, when Shiva corrected her and said, "No… it sounds more like doo doo doo doo doo, SEPHIROTH... or something."


	2. Chapter 2

_Final Fantasy Mayhem_

_Chapter II: Enter Everyone Else_

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any game in the Final Fantasy series, or Radiata Stories, because if I did, then I would. They belong solely to Square Enix

Out of the vortex in the sky came what seemed to be a one winged angel. The power radiating from his appearance was enough to rival that of Sin himself. A shiver went down Yuna's spine and she suddenly became very cold. She turned around to see that Shiva was only an inch away.

"I'm gonna get frostbite! Shiva, go be warmer or something!" Yuna told the icy aeon.

"Look Yuna. Something else is coming out from the sky's hole," Seymour said badly impersonating Mindy.

The vortex in the sky was increasing in size. A flying garden type structure came out of the hole, followed by a blimp like airship.

Tidus came out from the airship and ran to Yuna.

"Yuna! Come and see. Some big vortex thingy opened up in the bridge and a funny animated character and some really angry chick came out of it." He told the girl between the four aeons.

"We can talk about this later Yuna. You go and get yo man, baby gurl." Sandy told Yuna. With that, the four aeons were dismissed and Yuna went inside to the bridge.

_Meanwhile_

Squall looked around the garden to see if he could find anyone. It took him three hours to look everywhere because he decided to go get a facial so he could looka guud.

"No… this can't be… everybody's dead?! Noooooooooooooooooo!"

at the same time

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Jack said to Ridley as they stood up to greet Lulu and Wakka.

"Where did you come from?" Lulu asked them suspiciously. "Are you from Zanarkand, like the star player of the Zanarkand Abes, a.k.a. Tidus, but we can't call him that because they gave you a choice of naming him so his name is never mentioned in the script and every time we talk about him we have to refer to him as 'the star player of the Zanarkand Abes' or 'Yuna's newest guardian' or 'that dude with dreds'?"

Jack had his sarcastic face on after Lulu was done talking. Ridley was trying not to be rude, but she was just about to burst.

Yuna and Tidus came into the bridge. They looked at their visitor, puzzled at their appearances.

"Jesus, does Square have so many god damn animators. It's as if they made lots of games of something." Yuna told the group.

"Anyway… how'd you two get here?" Rikku asked as she got up from her station and put her phone down for the first time in three months.

"We don't know. One minute, Ridley's all dead like, and then we're here." Jack said.

"Ooooh! I know! Aphelion was all like, 'later dudes' and must have teleported us to some other dimension where everything is different, like Canada."

Everyone nodded and murmured in agreement, saying things like "yeah, Canada's nothing like the corrupted ass U.S." and "Canada's just like heaven, like that movie, 'Just like heaven.'"

"Well, that explains how you got here, but what about that dude with his own theme song, that giant ass greenhouse in the sky, and the Goodyear blimp get here?" Yuna asked.

Tidus looked at her and said "I don't know, I'm just the main character. You're the female lead, you tell me."

on the blimp

Cloud and Vincent went to the bridge and saw that everyone had died from going into the vortex thingy. Cloud saw that Tifa was still moving though.

"Hey Vincent, let me borrow that for a minute." He said pointing at Vincent's gun.

Vincent handed over the weapon and stared at Cloud to see what he was gonna do.

Cloud aimed at the still slightly alive Tifa and said, "Welcome to Eastwick, bitch!"

He shot Tifa, and she fell to the floor, dead, because she wasn't alive, anymore.

Cloud looked up to Vincent, who was smiling fiendishly. Cloud had gotten used to Vincent being a bit creepy, so it didn't really bother him.

"So… where are we Vincent?" Cloud asked.

"How the fuck should I know?! Who do I look like? Nostradamus? Ms. Cleo? Oprah?" Vincent replied.

_back to yuna_

"Hey uncle cid! I think there's something on the windshield." Yuna told him.

Cid turns around to see something smushed up against the window. Everyone approached to see what had crashed into the airship. Rin came into the room and was the first to scream. Everyone else joined in and they yelled in unison, "Ahhhhhh! It's Sephiroth!"

Sephiroth looked like a dead fly on the airships window. It wasn't a pretty sight.

"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me we beat the main bad guy of the story in less than two chapters and without the need of a grand finale? Or even one of my sad dances with the sad music and the sadness?!" Yuna exclaimed in her uncle's face, causing him to fall back onto the sphere ocillo-finder positioned in the center of the bridge. The impact caused it to flash brightly like some type of over decorated Christmas tree that blew a fuse in your house and then caused a fire leaving you homeless for Christmas.

"Hey, what's with the sparkly round thingy?" Jack asked Tidus, who he was clinging tightly to.

"It helps us look for things. That's how we found Yuna when she was about to marry Mindy… I mean Seymour."

"So what's that then?" Jack asked, now holding on to Tidus' leg so tightly it looked wrong in every way imaginable.

"It looks like… a monkey. But a red monkey, who can fly. And it looks like its about to blow up that third ship that came out of the vortex. Hey… That ship has a big ass eye on it!"

Yuna promptly kicked Jack off of Tidus' leg, sending him hurling towards Wakka.

"We have to help the big ass eye!" Lulu proclaimed. She headed towards the deck along with Yuna. Rikku stayed behind to move the airship closer to the flying monkey.

_on the big ass eye_

"Hey Garnet" A gruff looking monkey said to a short haired girl.

"My name is Dagger, okay Zidane." She said to him.

"Yeah, well, Garnet, I think Kuja's about to blow us out of the sky, so summon something to protect us."

"My name is Garnet… I mean Dagger. And why should I help save your monkey ass? Ask Eiko to help you. I saw Little Miss Bitch all up in your Kool-Aid yesterday. You know she's all about the bling-bling, she ain't got nothing on these double cheeseburgers." Garnet said angrily to Zidane as she threw two double cheeseburgers at him. Zidane ducked and left to the deck to find Eiko and Freya looking at Cid's airship.

"What's that?" Zidane asked the horned midget standing next to some big ass talking rat.

"It looks like another airship is in fighting with Kuja. I know! I'll summon Bahamut to whoop Kuja's monkey ass all the way back to Terra!" Eiko said with the spunk that made everybody in the Final Fantasy IX cast hate her horned guts.

"You can't summon Bahamut," Freya said with the most ghetto attitude since the ghetto was invented.

"Yeah, well it's not fair that bitch Garnet gets to summon all the cool Eidolons! Why the hell would you even need two summoners in this game? All I can do is summon Carbuncle! No one uses Carbuncle! My role sucks! So you know what you big ass rat. Shove it! I'm summoning that dragon and that's final! Bitch!" Eiko screamed out at the top of her lungs. She got into position and summoned Bahamut onto the field.

_simultaneously on the airship (You know, Yuna's, cause it's the only one without a name.)_

"Okay! Time to dance! Lulu! Give me some music!" Yuna said.

Lulu walked over to the conveniently place boom box that was stationed next to Yuna. She turned on that song, you know that song…_ It goes around the world like la la la la la… _that one.

Yuna summoned Bahamut, who was now standing in front of her. Yuna ordered him to go attack Kuja, and he flew off toward the red monkey. Bahamut ran into Bahamut and they began talking.

_somewhere in the sky_

Bahamut (FFX): Hey! It's me!

Bahamut (FFIX): Hey! It's a peacock!

Bahamut X: I'm not a peacock, betch.

Bahamut IX: You look way too colorful. It looks like Crayola threw up on Big Bird. Did I turn gay in the next Final Fantasy or something?

Bahamut X: At least I have eyes you blind bitch!

Bahamut IX: Oh fuck off Big Bird. At least I don't have a wheel on my back.

Bahamut X: My wheel could kick your fat ass!

Bahamut IX: Me? Fat? Look in the mirror Star Jones. You're the fat one. Liposuction, anyone?

Bahamut X: Oh that's it! You're going down!

Bahamut IX: Bring it, bitch!

Bahamut X: Oh, it's already been brought-en!

_back on the big ass eye_

"Hey Garnet? You ever notice that the Invincible has a big ass eye on it?"

_back on the Highwind_

"Hey Vincent! We're going down!" Cloud said, swinging his hair in front of his face, or at least trying, cause that thing be stiff as hell.

"Why are we sinking?" Vincent asked Cloud very calmly, cause he's like that.

"I guess it's a convenient plot twist. It might have something to do with that red monkey blowing up our little ass propellers." Cloud answered.

"Oh…," Vincent said. "Shit."

_Back on the Garden_

"I wonder why I'm the only character from Final Fantasy VIII. Hey look! A monkey! And it just blew up half the garden! Yay!" Squall said happily jumping up and down like some type of dumbass.

If you're wondering why Squall is so happy, it's because he was put on happy pills for his manic depression after he _accidentally_ shot Seifer, Selphie, Zell, and Selphie because he thought they took his teddy bear.

_back on the airship with no name cause the people at Square were too lazy to name it_

"We're sinking!" Rikku shouted at Brother.

"Why?" he asked.

"I think it might be Lulu," she whispered. "She's been gaining a few pounds lately. Yesterday she tried to eat Valefor."

_back on the Invincible_

"We're sinking Garnet. Garnet?" Zidane said confused. Garnet was nowhere around. He looked behind him and saw a blur, and then fell unconscious.

"My name is Dagger. Stupid monkey"

_In the Calm Lands_

All the airships now lay in ruin, because a monkey named Kuja blew them up. In the crashes, everyone died, except for the important people.

The End!

Of chapter 2 anyway…


End file.
